4 Cents on The Bromance

I have always tended to have more male friends and to associate with male cliques rather than female. I never gave this much thought, but if I had to explain it, I would say the reason is male friendships are (stereotypically) easier. I don’t have to worry about pettiness and drama, being misunderstood or judged, as when a part of majority female groups. But as I have gotten older (or because I too have enjoyed watching the mindless Judd Apatow movies), I have become more aware that guys need “guy time.” Several weeks ago my friends (“the Boys”) were planning an event and I was invited to attend. I declined so they could have “boy bonding” as I call it. They all proceeded to make fun of me because I always decline these invites to allow for boy bonding. Their argument was that they bond enough (because they are boys and don’t need as much time to bond as females—my interpretation; not theirs), they enjoy my company (who doesn’t), and they can bond with each other with me being present (seems true enough too). My argument was the Boys censor themselves around me even if it’s subconscious. They immediately denied it, reassured me that I would not be intruding, and attempted to not censor themselves. I know some of their over-the-top behavior and remarks were an exaggeration to prove their point, and they don’t habitually talk/act in that manner when not under female observation (at least, they say they don’t. I tend to believe them). Regardless, after a few days they went back to censoring themselves and I was happier.

I love hanging out with the Boys. They are funny, entertaining, provide enlightening mental stimulation, and we always have a good time. We enjoy the same activities and have fun adventures together. We can, and do, talk candidly about a wide range of topics: current events, daily life, and our interpretation of historical events (that’s a whole other blog topic). We also easily delve into hot topics like religion, politics, and the more taboo subjects. I have learned a lot from them, and they from me like any give and take friendship/relationship. But I also am the first person to admit occasionally (and whenever the opportunity presents itself) I need girl time. I need the time to be shallow, petty and bitchy without being judged (because the Boys don’t understand pettiness—they’re boys). I need time to discuss girly things like the latest Hollywood hottie. Even though the Boys and I are compatible as friends, we are still inherently different.

I think everyone these days should learn balance. Guys need guy time (don’t deny it, Boys--you do). And girls need girl time; whether it’s just sitting and having an open conversation, shopping, or getting manicures and pedicures. Boys, feel free to take a night every once in awhile, have a few beers, do something slightly stupid (but not unforgivable) and enjoy each other’s company. But remember girls want (and are entitled) to that freedom too. Just because we are different does not give either sex the excuse to be jerks to anyone. Clearly I am all for coed relationships on all levels. I see nothing wrong with platonic male-female relationships, casual dating, and serious relationships. But I think it’s also necessary for everyone to take time for themselves (or their gender).

Wikipedia defines bromance as a “close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men, a form of homosocial intimacy.” What is the female equivalent?